You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
