I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
