Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
