So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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