i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
