Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
