I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
