she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
