fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
