I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
