just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
