Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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