I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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