Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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