apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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