I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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