I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
