My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
