Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
