I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
