My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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