Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
