I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they need to just BURY HIM!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
