If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
