last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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