So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
