I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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