The best revenge is premature balding
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
