I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
