now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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