saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Michael Bay diarrhea
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
