i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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