I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just high enough for therapy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
