This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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