You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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