I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
