Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
