Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
