Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
