It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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