Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
