I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize