After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
