we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
