I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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