this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
