Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
