nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
