I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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