He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
