I smell stomach acid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
