the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
