i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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