We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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