that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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