I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
