Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
