My cat gives me a boner
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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