Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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