I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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