how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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