M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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