sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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