im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
