so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
