using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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