So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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