alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
