I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
