Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
