I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
