Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
