Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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