Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
