You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
