A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She needs sedatives and a leash
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
