nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
