I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
