remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
