Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
