dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
