Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
