I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
